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Successful communication between intimate partners is crucial to the success of their relationship. When it goes awry, it is one of the most compelling reasons that couples seek therapy.
There are multiple communication skills that are readily available and most committed couples can readily master them. But there is another crucial type of interaction between intimate partners that is rarely identified and easily missed — but crucially important.
ADHD is not a male disorder, but men and boys are diagnosed far more commonly than women and girls. Why? Lingering stereotypes, referral bias, internalized symptoms, gender role expectations, comorbidities, and hormonal fluctuations all complicate the ADHD presentation in women. Here, learn about common signs and symptoms of ADHD in women, plus roadblocks to a thorough evaluation and effective treatment.
“Discipline is understanding that, with ADHD, my child’s emotions and behavior won’t always compare to what I see in other children her age. It’s knowing that she oftentimes has to learn and relearn the same lesson – because she forgets. It is a discipline, therefore, on my part to constantly try to understand how she feels, and to let go of comparisons.”
Even when a couple is well-matched, differences usually remain. Here are five common differences and sample wording for how you might address each or at least start a conversation about it.
You wish your partner were warmer. It’s easy to feel unloved when you demonstrate more warm gestures to your partner than s/he does to you. For example, you more often show true interest in how your partner’s day went, you give little touches, you sometimes anticipate his or her desires. Here’s a possible conversation starter.
If you have ADHD, and are married to someone without ADHD, no one needs to tell you how different the two of you are. Your brains process information differently, affecting attention, memory, task completion, and more.
Couples affected by ADHD have trouble connecting. They talk at each other, not with each other, and usually make conversational mistakes that put even more distance between them. For example:
“How come you never take me out on dates any more?” says the partner without ADHD.
Making eye contact. Not interrupting. Taking turns. If your child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) needs help with these and other social skills, you may want to give “role-playing” a try. By testing out various personas, he can see how simple changes in what he says and does can help him get along better with friends and family members.
Our kids can focus for hours on a video game they love, but when it comes to getting through a whole textbook chapter or homework assignment, they are suddenly short on concentration. It's not willful defiance; it's another symptom of this complicated condition. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) disrupts willpower, "that intrinsic drive to achieve our goals, even in the face of boredom or adversity," says Russell Barkley, Ph.D.
I recently received some interesting questions about blame from a journalist. Here are the questions and answers.
Interviewer: What is the function of blame and why do we do it?
The primary function of blame is to transfer vulnerable emotional states to someone else. Vulnerable feelings—sadness, guilt, shame, anxiety—create self-doubt and make us feel powerless. They can be alleviated with adrenaline if we can blame someone. The adrenaline that powers blame provides temporary feelings of energy and confidence.